Powdered alcohol is about to be a thing. Drinking, as we know it, might never be the same. We're not ready for this.
News surfaced a few days ago that booze in dry, granular form – ridiculously dubbed Palcohol – has achieved approval from the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau, scheduled to become available this fall. Soon thereafter, news outlets took the good tidings and ran with them, apparently, according to the Palcohol website, getting a bunch of facts wrong in the process. (It's not 65 percent ABV, for example; it's around 10.)
Misinformation isn't cool. But powdered booze is a mind-blowing innovation. Let's chalk the errors up to pure giddiness.
Update: It appears my suspicions were well-founded. According to CNNMoney, the ATTTB approved Palcohol "in error" and has since rescinded the designation.
In a nutshell, here's what you need to know: Palcohol was created by a guy named Mark Phillips, an active dude who figured there must be an easier way to transport adult bevies when on the go. When mixed with five ounces of water, the alcohol content is equivalent to that of a standard mixed drink. Six flavors are planned: rum, vodka, cosmopolitan, mojito, Powderita and lemon drop. The powder can, apparently, be added to food for an added "kick."
Oh, and don't snort it. You'd need a lot of powder to feel anything. "You would feel a lot of pain for very little gain," the website states. "Just use it the right way."
Now that we've cleared that up, I've got one main concern.
It used to be, the dude ordering a water at the bar was seen as responsible (if not chided a bit by his fellow buzzed bros). Here's a guy who knows how to have a responsible good time, onlookers might think. Slam some H2O, then get back to that Bud Light tallboy. Party on, Wayne.
But soon? Who the hell knows. Rather than attempting to balance out the booze, that same dude might actually be 0n the verge of kicking things up a notch. He's not ordering a water anymore; he's ordering a mixed drink, to be concocted under his table or on the back patio or in a bathroom stall. I don't know which way is up anymore.
Of course, the Palcohol people would warn against this: "We want to emphasize again, when Palcohol is available, to use it responsibly and legally."
I'm all for that.
I've also been to the bleachers at Fenway or enjoyed a Saturday afternoon with friends on the Greenway.
If clunky, clandestine coolers can go the way of a Poland Spring bottle and an oversized sugar packet, well, who am I to say they won't. Or shouldn't.
Image via Palcohol.com
